


Mission to Steal

by Venstar



Series: Mission Transcripts [5]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: M/M, Prompt Fill, Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 13:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7642264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venstar/pseuds/Venstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The minions looked around the room, there were very few of them left in the branch.  There were a few other double-oh’s in the field presently, but 006 and 007's mission was the only active mission that was currently going tits up, with one of the most important and heavily guarded assets in dire straits.  They looked to R and she began to give orders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preparation

**Author's Note:**

> \--my last prompt fill for the 007 fest list thing i was working off of! #30, "we're running low on time here"  
> \--Солнышко (solnishko) sunshine/little sun

Mission Transcript RWA-00328-080216

 

     Q grumbled to himself, going through all the nasty curses he could think of in the five languages he spoke and the two dead ones he knew, followed by some elvish words and satisfying Klingon.  Fortunately, the agents didn’t realize that the ring he wore hid a small flexible blade.  As he wiggled to loosen his arms, the most distressing sound that could happen at the worst possible moment in a hotel came.  KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. Followed by a pleasant, but tired sounding female voice, “Housekeeping!”  

 

      _Fuck_!  Q closed his eyes but briefly.  As if today couldn’t get any worse.  The maid was going to come into the room and find him taped to the stupid chair.  Well, at least he would be free.  Free to kill his agents.  After the perfunctory knocks and no reply from inside, the door knob turned and the door was slowly pushed open.  Q froze as the muzzle of a gun appeared in the opening.  His struggles began in earnest as the pair approached him.

007:

I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but has anyone heard from Q lately?

 

**006:**

**No.**

 

R 

No. 

 

**006:**

**Silent treatment?**

 

007:

I don’t think he’s that petty.

 

R: 

He’d be jumping in the conversation right about now. 

 

**006:**

**Maybe we didn’t make it easy enough for him to reach his keyboard.**

 

007:

Maybe we shouldn’t have left him taped to a chair.

 

**006:**

**R, when was your last contact with him?**

 

R: 

Last contact was right before you taped him to his chair. 

 

**006:**

**Great.**

 

R: 

*typing* The earpiece is still in the room. 

 

007:

You’re tracking him by his earpiece.

 

R: 

Yup.  He had the minions do that to all the earpieces.  Also override commands.  So far, his earpiece is still in the room and it’s not been shut off. 

 

007:

Shit

 

R: 

Bad feeling? 

 

007:

Bad feeling.

 

**006:**

**We don’t have time to go back!**

 

R: 

I know.   

 

007:

Options?

 

R: 

I can send a message to one of the Station head’s and have them send an available agent to check on an anonymous asset. 

 

007:

M is going to murder us.

 

**006:**

**Moneypenny is going to murder us.**

 

R: 

Why is anyone never afraid of Tanner? 

 

007:

I’m not going in there if we don’t know where Q is.

 

R: 

You don’t have a choice. 

 

007:

The hell I don’t.

 

**006:**

**You don’t Jameska.  By the time we go to find Q, the auction will have started and we will not be allowed entry and we will lose the missile.**  

 

R: 

We’re under orders to see this through and get the missile. 

 

007:

Q is a priority!

 

**006:**

**Q is a…**

 

007:

Don’t say it.  Don’t ever say it.  We don’t need to get the missile at this point, once we find Q, we can track it again.

 

R: 

Q’s a liability, an unknown problem at this point.  I’ll say it if if 006 is too chicken. 

 

**006:**

**Hey.  I have a heart, you know.**

 

R: 

And if the winning party decides to use the missile immediately? 

 

007:

…

 

**006:**

**Everything has a price 007. What are you willing to pay?**

 

007:

…

 

**006:**

**R, send the nearest agent to ascertain the whereabouts and safety of the asset.  007, put on the cuffs.  We’re almost there.**

 

007:

I have never hated you more.

 

R: 

Understood 006, we’re coordinating with them as we speak.  Good luck, 007. 

 

    R and the minions listened to the agents as 006 softly and gently scolded and prodded at 007 to get him into the cuffs and shackles that 006 had brought with him.  She listened to the soft ruffle of the hood that Alec was using as he slipped it over 007’s head and brushed against his earpiece.  She could hear 007’s breathing increase to a faster beat, as he was finally, fully blind and bound. His breathing calmed as 006 spoke once more to him.

**006:**

**It will be all right, Солнышко**

     The minions looked around the room, there were very few of them left in the branch.  There were a few other double-oh’s in the field presently, but 006 and 007's mission was the only active mission that was currently going tits up, with one of the most important and heavily guarded assets in dire straits.  They looked to R and she began to give orders.

 

R: 

Jacobson, Alicia, I want eyes on that hotel now, I want to know everything about who has gone in and who has gone out.   

Track everyone, all vehicles.  Do it. 

  


Jacobson:

Aye, aye ma’am.

 

Alicia:

On it R!

 

R: 

Station A, what’s your agent’s ETA?  Move him faster.  Schmitt, Penny, 003 is in medical.  Break his ass out of there and bring him here.  It’s time for him to earn his keep, not lounge around eating pudding. 

 

Schmitt and Penny:

Got it R, operation steal 003 is a go!

 

**006:**

**What are you going to do with 003?**

 

R: 

You and 007 will be too busy with the auction.  I need another set of experienced eyes to answer any questions I might have about what the hell it is you’re doing so we don’t accidentally blow your cover.  There are unfortunately other double-ohs in the field and if something goes wrong with them, I’m going to need help, so he’s backup help.  Also, if you fuck up and don’t follow my instructions, I’ll skin him alive where you can hear him. 

 

**006:**

**Such a vicious little thing.  It’s too bad I’m not fonder of 003. If I told you that you are overreacting, would you calm down.**

 

R:

Scratch that.  I’ll hack into a military satellite and use it to slice through you.

 

**006:**

**You would have a hard time explaining the cost of that.**

 

R: 

‘A’ from accounting owes me a favor.  She’ll buy me a satellite if I ask. 

 

**006:**

**Good to know.**

 

R: 

It’s not a shared benefit 006. *typing* The field agent is on site.  No sign of the asset. 

 

007:

Alec.

  
**006:**

**No.  We’re running low on time here, we’re doing this.  Let R search for Q.**

 

R: 

I’m having the agent send me video of the exterior and interior of the room.  Fuck.  No sign of forced entry.  Andrews?   

 

Andrews:

Ma’am.

 

R: 

Do a quick pass of the interior and then I need you to check with security.  Who had access to those rooms. 

 

003:

*footsteps* You let Q go to Africa and get kidnapped?  Have you all lost your minds!

 

R: 

Oh good, double-oh obvious is here. 

 

 **006:** **  
** **He’s your idea.**

 

R: 

Get over here and shut up or I’ll break your other arm.  Read the room, be a double oh and help the minions with the other double-ohs. 

 

003:

No sign of forced entry, definite signs of struggle in the room, chair overturned, electrical tape is shredded all to hell.  Jesus how much did you use on him.  There are cables cut…looks like charging cables...

 

007:

Q would never have damaged his charging cables.

 

R: 

Laptop is gone, so is the rest of his gear.   

 

003

Earpiece is on the floor, under the desk.  

 

R: 

006, I’m cutting your side of the comms so the agent can’t hear you.  The last thing I need is you two starting an international incident.  Oh, too late.  

*cuts comms*  

 

Jacobson:

Oy R, we got nothing from security’s video but I have something from the ATM across the street.  It’s grainy.

 

Alicia:

It’s grainy, I’m cleaning it up and running facial recognition now.  

 

Alicia:

It’s Q.  I have a partial license plate!

 

Jacobson:

Oh no, they put him in the boot.

 

**006:**

**Oh, great, he’ll be in a fantastic mood when we find him.**

 

003:

You LEFT him unattended taped to a chair!

 

**006:**

**We figured he could get out of it...eventually.**

 

003:

I so don’t want to be involved in any of this.  Where’s…

 

R: 

We’re under orders not to contact them. 

 

003:

Who gave that shitty order!?

 

**R, 006, 007 and the minions:**

**Q!**

 

003:

Unbelievable.  Fine, fine.  I’ll be over here, with the minions.  Just let me know when you need me.  I’ll be pretending I don’t know anything about this.


	2. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec watched as all eyes wandered the blocks, stopping often on 007 and his information. James traded a small, lying smile for each look. Alec laughed to himself as James turned his back to those he found unworthy of his attention. He was playing the field, even up on display, shackled to a ring on the floor, as a prize to be won. Those same eyes would stray from 007 to land on Q.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--finish for the #30 prompt. whew. last day of the fest and i got it done on time...ish.

Mission Transcript RWA-00328-080216

     Alec did the one thing he had feared he would ever be pressed or forced to do.  He purposely betrayed his friend.  He gripped 007’s arm as tight, as this thought passed through him, knowing he would be leaving bruises on James’s arm  He maintained his facade and laughed and charmed and sold 007’s identity and qualities for all he was worth.  The auction administrators looked intrigued and quickly entered in all of the information that he gave them.  As 007 was pulled from his grip, the possible bruises that he might have caused, comforted him, that some part of him would be left with James as he was thrown in with the rest of the lots to be displayed for the auction.  

 

**006:**

**Now I don’t like this.**

 

003:

007 could find his way out of a cardboard box sealed in duct tape and covered in cement, all at the bottom of a 2,000ft deep lake.  With man eating sharks circling his box.

 

**006, 007, R, Minions:**

**…**

 

R:

What, even.

 

Minions:

Sharks don't...

 

003:

Shutup.

 

007:

Thank you for that stunning vote of confidence 003.

 

*clang, clang, clang*

 

R: 

What’s that? 

 

**006:**

**The auction is starting.**

 

R: 

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get ready to rumble. 

 

007:

Any lead on where Q is?  Has the field agent found him yet?

 

R: 

Negative, 007. 

 

003:

I spy with my little eye, something that starts with a Q.

 

R: 

What, where?  *typing* 

 

003:

Oh, about 50 feet away from where 006 is standing.  They’re pulling off the hoods.  They got to Q first.  James is a few people down.

 

**006:**

**He’s just standing there.**

 

R: 

That’s all? 

 

007:

*rustle* Ugh, finally.  Well, he seems to be drugged.  He might be glaring.

 

**006:**

**He looks like a drugged up, angry, wet, cat.**

 

R: 

He’s wet? 

 

**006:**

**No.  It’s just an expression.**

 

R: 

How did he get up there? 

 

**006:**

**You want I should ask? Excuse me how did our Quartermaster get up there.  As it happens, they have set up information screens under each lot.  I am looking at his information and it says that this is the Quartermaster of MI-6, identity to be verified via a practical demonstration. “Anonymous Bidder.”  Great.**

 

R: 

The minions want to know what kind of practical demonstration they’re expecting out of him. 

 

003:

How much are they going to have to drug him in order to get him to cooperate before he becomes useless?  He’s such a tiny thing.

 

007:

I’m going to murder whoever did it.

 

003:

Get in line son.  All the double-ohs are going to take it out of your hide first.

 

007:

I wish they would stop touching him.

  


**006:**

**You are just jealous no one is touching you.**

 

007:

I wish he still had his earpiece.

 

**006:**

**You are doing a lot of wishing tonight, old friend.**

 

007:

I wish I didn’t know you.

 

  James stood, rooted to his auction block and slowly perused the crowd around him and the other subjects on auction.  A veritable line up of the most wanted and most useful individuals.  James recognized certain players from various mafia and drug cartels.  A few high-end pleasure slaves from the top quality of the sex trade.  And then there was Q.  

**006:**

**And I thought you cleaned up nice, Jameska.  Perhaps Q was right to have offered to sell himself, instead of you.**

 

     Alec watched as all eyes wandered the blocks, stopping often on 007 and his information.  James traded a small, lying smile for each look.  Alec laughed to himself as James turned his back to those he found unworthy of his attention.  He was playing the field, even up on display, shackled to a ring on the floor, as a prize to be won.  Those same eyes would stray from 007 to land on Q.  His kidnappers had put him in a precisely tailored suit that matched the contours of his slender frame.  No longer clad in baggy cardigans and trousers, it gave him a lithesome appearance; yet there was nothing effeminate in his bearing.  Trim, neat and in all black, Q’s fair skin glowed in the dim lights of the room. Q dazedly tried to raise his hands, his balance off, he weaved gently back and forth from the balls of his feet to his heels and stared in confusion at the shackles and chains that kept him attached to the floor as well.  Alec traded a quick look with 007 as Q frowned and tugged at his bindings.

 

*click*

  


R: 

What was that. 

 

**006:**

**Blackmail.**

 

R: 

Double. Oh.  Six. 

 

007:

Did you just...take a picture?

 

**006:**

**Just testing some of our gear.**

 

R: 

*whistles*  Boy he cleans up nice.  Hang on. 

 

*background chatter*

 

007:

Problem?

 

R: 

The minions say that Q didn’t have anything resembling that ensemble in his office *whispering* or the rest of Q-branch.  Someone dolled him up special. 

 

007:

I’m killing someone.  Alec, get me out of this, now.

 

**006:**

**No, Jameska.  Hold.**

 

007:

What for!

  
  
**006:**

**We can’t risk losing this sale.  We don’t know who the buyers are going to want.**

 

007:

Unbelieveable.

 

003:

So guys, guys, hello.  Someone put effort into Q.  They have to be at that auction.  Go do your job 006 before I start doing it for you.  

 

**006:**

**What have I been doing, if not my job all this time 003!?**

 

R: 

For...stop arguing with 003 and go be a super spy and find the bastards who took your Quartermaster, NOW.  We’ll work on getting into the system, unlock the doors or something.   

 

003:

And what, cause some sort of cattle stampede?  How yankee of you.

 

**006:**

**A cattle stampede doesn’t sound so bad.**

 

003:

No.

 

R: 

006, don’t you dare. 

 

**006:**

**What, I am saying is perhaps you need to loosen some cows in order to identify the owners.**

 

R: 

Loosen some cows.  Alec, your english deteriorates the more hideous your plots get. 

 

003:

He does have a point.

 

007:

I hate it when he has a point.  Alec, don’t do it.

 

**006:**

**I’m not really going to set something on fire.  Not with you and Mishka stuck like you are.**

 

007:

If you think I can’t get out of these things, you’ve got another…

 

**006:**

**Good.  I’ll set off something to create the perfect atmosphere, set off the alarms, you get out of those things and get Q.**

  


***END TRANSCRIPT***

 

     R, Q, 006, 007, 003 and the minions all stood in M’s office.  Tanner and Moneypenny stood behind him, both of them not looking at each other or anyone else for that matter.  Moneypenny seemed very interested in what her cuticles were doing and Tanner was looking heavenward silently pleading with the powers to be and any and every deity he could summon to deliver sanity to the room.  The double-ohs could read lips, they knew perfectly well what he was saying.

 

     M on the other hand, was not pleased.  Nor was he ignoring the five troublemakers standing in front of him.  “I should have you all thrown in psych.  I should have you all thrown into shackles and imprisoned in the tower of London for all the good it would do any of you.  You risk your lives, you risked your Quartermaster, the Quartermaster risked himself, you informed no one who had proper authority what you were doing and you hot wired a nuclear missile, freed a decades worth of work in criminals and cutthroats just to have them disappear into the aether, because you have a tendency to work off the cuff?  That’s what you’re saying!?”

 

“I’m also saying is that we’ll now have favors owed us,” 007 said.

“Technically, I was kidnapped by the minions, so I plead not guilty by kidnapping.” said 003.  

“Q was kidnapped too!”  The minions shouted.

“Oh yes, yes he was, I forgot,” said 003, “due to 007 and 006’s irresponsibility with their asset.  In short, they were asses.”

“We tried to stop him,” 006 argued, “Surely, we get credit for trying to stop him!”

“Yes, by taping him to a chair and leaving him unguarded.  Bravo,” M said, sarcastically.  “I suppose you want a reward for that.”

“R made us tape him to his chair,” said 006, pointing at R.

“We couldn’t risk him being sold!” R argued, turning to yell at 006.  “HE IS MORE VALUABLE THAN YOUR DUMB-”

“AHEM,” M coughed.

“ASS,” R finished anyways.  

     Q held up his hands which were bruised at the wrist from his cuffs and had various scrapes and cuts on the backs and fingers.  “Had I not gone, 006 and 007 would NOT have been able to disarm and disassemble the missile on their own.  It was a complicated design, made more so by the fact that it was modernized cold war technology.”

“I cut my teeth on the cold war,” 007 said, “I would have figured it out.”

“Really.”

“No, but you wouldn’t have been in the field and it wouldn’t have mattered.”

“Wouldn’t have mattered!”  

     At 007’s statement, all hell broke loose in M’s office.  Minions were yelling about their undying devotion and affection towards all the double-ohs, 006 deteriorated into Russian as he yelled at 007, Q and R at the same time.  Q and R yelled back in a mish mash of English and Russian.  M could have sworn some of that was Klingon.  003 edged his way around them and towards the relative safety of the area behind M’s desk.  

“Lunch?” Moneypenny asked, “you have a meeting at Two o’clock sir and you know how cranky you get if I don’t feed you.”

“Sometimes I miss the old M,” M muttered.  “She would have known what to do with you lot.  Yes, let’s get out of here.  I daresay I won’t be able to come up with a solution anytime soon.  I’ll see if G down in the garage has any tedious and menial labor I can set them on.”

“Very good, sir.”

“Alright, let’s go before they set my office on fire.”

 


End file.
